Sunday, April 6, 2014

coping mechanisms and the new normal...

Let me start out this post by confessing

I'm weary
really really really weary

 this weary is a tiredness that sinks into the bones and sits there like a heavy rock

I have very little time and even less head (or heart) space
to do anything much beyond getting through each day...

my studio remains abandoned
my garden is a weedy patch
all my friends have been neglected

When I first became a mother (almost 12 years ago - oh myyyyyy where has that time gone?????) I thought I was reasonably prepared for the forthcoming changes that parenthood may bring: lack of sleep, financial struggles, stress in the relationship, feelings of inadequacy, the shift of priorities... Ready or not I was willing. I jumped into parenthood with eyes and heart wide open....

Despite all those things coming absolutely true (and then some!!! oooo the cranky-making views of society on motherhood - it stirs my feminist ire to GRRRRRR level --- while simultaneously I am brought to my knees by pangs of mother-guilt when I've had to leave my babies to go to work or study.... ooo the bitter dichotomy) - motherhood is the biggest, baddest, kick-arse, all-consuming best thing that I have ever done (or hope to do).




I must say

the last few weeks have been quite a 'challenge'

I don't know that there is any way to really prepare for when life takes a side street
 - you just have to go down that road gripping the steering wheel tightly

(and it's been a white knuckle ride at times these past few weeks let me tell you... )

damn you darstedly diabetes

 (these are a couple of applique/quilt/banner/cloth 'things' abandoned over a decade ago...
how apt they now appear to these weary eyes)

Ahhhh gads! Enough already of my whiny tone! (I'm not usually one to complain about life... the way I see it - there are always people having a far nastier time of things - I am totally aware that we live a privileged life - and if I temporarily forget - wellllllll I only need step outside and breathe deeply the good country air and pat one of the many good country hounds...)

 look at my 'mini' hounds now!
Sigma (tiggy tiggy) and Gamma - they are growing up so fast


When our kidlets were itty-bitty I had to shift the way I worked to accommodate their itty-bitty people needs - so instead of my (then) usual fine arts/calligraphic practice (which demanded a certain amount of uninterrupted time and attention to detail) I turned to things that could be picked up and put down without the need for cleaning up or getting icky-gunk all over my person --- Yup - I picked up yarn and cloth and thread and beads (you might remember me sharing this a while ago?) and it shouldn't come as a surprise that this is where my hands and heart are heading again. Not to Big Important Artyness.... instead I'm only interested in little utilitarian projects.... 

mending/altering a pair of overalls

thinking about knitting farmer phil a warm woolly jumper

and finishing that quilt I put away about a (gulp) decade ago

(and contemplating that little book/cloth project also put away a long time ago -
but its just too much to sink my teeth into again right now...)

Next school term I head back to a few casual days teaching each fortnight


I know I need to keep my hands moving to keep my insides still

(you know what I mean?)



  1. Hang in there sista. As a fellow creative, and brand new passenger on the T1D joybus, I totally second this post. So so hard, especially at such a stressful challenging time, to feel like your creative outlet is denied you. You sound like you are doing brilliantly by working to find things that can fit into what has suddenly become a very restricted space. I like to call these periods 'fallow periods'. Helps me feel less guilty about not 'producing' all the time. And let's face it, I'm sure we both know plenty of artistes who have managed the quantity side of things but would have been better off producing higher quality work a tenth as often. This is a marathon, not a sprint, after all. But I don't mean this to sound preachy, just offering some comfort and understanding. Things suck quite a bit at the moment and it is OK to say so.

  2. life huh ... no wonder there was never a road map given out at the beginning. but all the experiences of life equip us for the next turn ... and i know you are equipped. take care of your self ...

  3. hang in there honey. life would be soooooo dull if it were just plain sailing. i recall some movie a hundre years ago where the grandma said she wouldn't swap her life of ups and downs and swings and roundabouts for anything...

  4. ps. i always spot the typo as it's hurling itself into the abyss.

    HUNDRED was what i wanted to write. ah well

  5. It's so trying for you now, but eventually you'll all settle back into a routine and art will be back in its rightful place in your life.

  6. Life throws stuff at us but we keep going, its hard when its your children though whatever age they are, My daughter 30, just getting somewhere job wise, hoping to find the right partner, wanting children has now been suffering from ME for nine months, such a set back. No job, no partner in sight and no prospect of children for a while and not much of a life at the moment.
    I find some solace in quiet stitching, hang in there, didn't someone say life can only get better!

  7. Hard times for you. Thinking of you and Sas and hoping it will all get betterer and betterer and betterer as time goes on:) xox

  8. I'm reading your post Ronnie and thinking, what can I do to help? I hope you are getting plenty of support.....thinking of you.

  9. Ronnie, what a roller coaster you are on! Remember how many friends are thinking of you and Sass, and all the family. Finding some arty occupations that don't take too much thinking will help. As others have said, hang in there... xxx

  10. (((Ronnie))) you are a treasure on the planet with such heart

  11. been there for sure. it's exhausting. utterly. it will be interesting. it will be horrible. it will be beautiful. all of it. my advice: do NOT let guilt talk to you.


thanks for all your lovely comments - your words are greatly appreciated xx